A fucked-up breakfast for a fucked-up Britain

What's Black, Blue and Green?

The flag of Tanzania, perhaps? Nope, that's got a little bit of yellow on it.

A martian that's been savagely beaten?

How about a martian that's been beaten up whilst shrouded in the Tanzanian flag, but has excreted a viscous black-bluey-green bile all over the yellow bits of the flag, thus concealing them?

Is this all sounding completely fucking idiotic? Maybe a bit disturbing? Good.

Actually, it's no more disturbing than a couple of surveys I noticed in this morning's Metro.

News of the Mad World

One was of the 'favourite brands' of 16 to 34 year olds. The winner - ahead of Amazon, Google, Facebook etc. - was Cadbury's. That's right. Bloody, shitty Cadbury's. 

Can you tell what it is yet?

We're going to hell in Richard Littlejohn's handcart.

Now I accept that, at some point in Victorian Britain, the Cadbury brand might possibly have represented quality - assuming the recipe for their 'chocolate' didn't always contain manky vegetable fat - but these days it's shit.

Even among shit confectionary for fuckwits, it's shit. I can't think of a mainstream brand that's actually worse than Cadbury's.

And everyone knows it's shit. Even people who like it often know that it's shit. The idea that Cadbury's is the best chocolate - let alone the best brand - is on a par with saying Foster's is the best beer and McDonalds make the finest hamburgers..

Founded by a family of megalomaniacal Quaker Brummiecunts who didn't want their staff drinking in pubs, it's easy to see how easy profit and mass-marketing took precedence over aspirations of quality once the money started rolling in.

The other survey - on page 19 which is further than I usually get before the train gets to London Bridge - was about the nations least-favourite foods. Of course, being a nation of complete fucking tasteless fucktards, Cadbury's chocolate wasn't on this list, but it did include perfectly fine foodstuffs like Oysters, Anchovies, Olives, Blue Cheese and Black Pudding.

Which is interesting. And - presumably unbeknownst to the twats who commissioned, conducted, and responded to this survey - extremely topical.

Some of our least favourite foods, apparently...

See, I've recently invented a new breakfast that I'm fairly certain has never been done before - and it's damn hard to be original with breakfasts these days.

Oh, and it's Black, Blue and Green. And very breakfasty.

The concept is nice and simple. Perhaps even simpler than somebody whose favourite chocolate is Cadbury's:

Toasted English muffin; blue cheese spread on one side, green pesto on the other and a filling of black pudding. Yes, two of the countries most hated foods.

I know, the thought of putting it all together sounds a little bit, well, wrong, but it's bloody lovely. Trust me.

Or you can fuck off and eat some Cadbury chocolate instead.

Black, Blue and Green breakfast muffins

Ingredients (per muffin):

You wouldn't think it would work but...

English muffin, split ready for toasting
Green Pesto, a decent lick
Creamy Blue cheese e.g. Saint Agur, a generous spreading
Black pudding, ideally the kind that crumbles rather than stays in neat slices, several slices
Butter


Method:

Melt a little butter in a frying pan, and add several thin slices of black pudding - it doesn't matter if it disintegrates into crumbs before you even add it to the pan.

Toast your English muffins to your preferred degree of toastiness, whilst cooking the black pudding until it's crispy all over - which might only take 3-4 minutes.

When your muffins are ready, spread one side thoroughly with green pesto and other with the cheese, then it's simply a matter of taking the black pudding out of the frying pan, perhaps giving it a minute on some kitchen towel to take out any excess butter, and assemble both halves of your muffins with the black pudding in the middle.

It doesn't need it at all, but you can bling up the bastard by adding other breakfast ingredients if you so wish - a rasher of bacon or a fried egg etc.

But I find this breakfast miracle works better as is - there's plenty of flavour combinations going on, and you can guarantee it's a breakfast you haven't had before.